WHAT WAS I THINKING?      

ALL THE VERSES FROM 1993-PRESENT


It was a last minute invitation
I did not have a thing to wear
I ran into the store I said I need something black
something formal
other than that... I don't care
I made it to the theater as the lights dimmed
the first act was brilliantly fun
but when I caught my reflection during intermission
I thought [pause]... what have I done?

                   What was I thinking?
             what was I, blind?
             when I bought this outfit
             was I temporarily out of my mind?
             What was I thinking?
              just look at this dress
              I'm taking up drinking
              my life is a mess

My good friend said
I think you're gonna hit it off
I've known him for a long long time
and if I wasn't happily married myself
in a heartbeat I would try to make him mine
so I figure OK I'll take my chances
what harm could it do?
makes you wonder bout the motives of your married friends
when something like this happens to you


             What was she thinking?
             who is this guy?
             maybe I'll just choke on this porkchop
             and conveniently die
             What was she thinking?
             quick, sharpen this knife
             my endorphines are sinking
             I'm taking my life

BRIDGE:  OOOH, OOOH  OOOH
Ach! du liber!
    OOOH OOOH OOOH
Ah!  Wat da tien na!
   OOOH   OOOH   OOOH
Oh, muy boja!
   OOOH   OOOH   OOOOH
Que lastima, La Vie, au revoir!

(That's an international segment, so people will think this is world music, which I think is going to be the next big thing to sweep the nation and I want to ride that wave right into the beach...)

Oh it was late
I had insomnia
that TV stair-stepper started to look good
I thought to myself should I buy it?
I heard Bruce Jenner say
'yes, you should.'
And that snackmaster, That BeDazzler, that Thighmaster and
that Victoria Jackson makeup kit
now I can barely get around my apartment
it'd so filled with all this stupid stuff

CHORUS:  What was I thinking?
             look at this junk
             I can't blame it on drinking
             I've never, uh, hardly ever, uh,
             right now I not drunk
             what was I thinking?
             when will this end?
             what was I thinking?
             When will this end
      what was I thinking?
      this song has no end
     what was I thinking?
     this song has no end!!!
     what was I thinking?
     this song has no end . . . etc.

*Alternate second verse:

My hairdresser said it's time for a new 'do
you've had that look for way too long
so he showed me a perm in a magazine
and I thought sure, what could go wrong?
I should have known by the sounds he was making (ho boy)
something was going awry
after two hours I put on my glasses
I could not believe my eyes

              What was he thinking?
I can't believe what I see
I look in the mirror
Art Garfunkel's looking back at me
       What was he thinking?
quick, steal me a hat
I should look on the bright side
unlike Art, it will grow back
•----------------------------------------
Alternative endings written over the years:

Oh his name is Dan Rather
anchorman at CBS
thought he could prove Bush was a scoundrel
instead he just made a big mess
with a copy of a fax of a copy
of a fax of a copy of a fax
it got Republicans all smiley
like their flack Bill O'Reilly
cause all of this distracted from Iraq

What was he thinking?
hasn't he learned?
you mess with the Bushes
you tush is bound to get burned
What was he thinking?
is this the worst of all fears?
oh what a mess he made
over eight long years
•-----------------------------------------
Oh his name is Prince Harry
third in line for the British throne
got invited to a fun costume party
they said 'bring your brother Wills, don't come alone'
Prince William dressed as a big giant kitty
Prince Harry said whom shall I be?
Batman?  No . . . Superman?  No . . .
I know!  I'll go as a Nazi!

What was he thinking?
is he really that dumb?
can you hear that far-off spinning noise? . . .
yup, his mum
What was he thinking
what is he, nuts?
I'm having a 'come as you are' party, Harry
so come as you are -- a putz!
•---------------------------------------------------
Oh his name is Karl Rove
some call him "Bush's Brain"
he sent a super-secret email to a journalist
said "guess who's a spy?  Valerie Plame!!"
now he's acting all hurt and huffy
saying "I didn't do anything wrong"
Bush won't say a word
this whole thing is absurd
proves Rove's been in charge way too long

What was he thinking?
nobody'd find out?
ah, the delusions of grandeur
of those with too much temporary clout
what was he thinking?
time to spruce up your resume
If I were the brainless one
I'd fire your fat ass today
•--------------------------------------------
Oh my name is Harry Wittington
this here is my gun
I came to Texas to shoot quail
never imagined I resembled one
the last thing I remember
was this crazy look in Dick Cheney's eyes
I screamed 'you old coot, don't shoot, don't shoot!'
but much to my surprise
BLAM!
What were you thinking?
you didn't see me here?
I don't believe at lunch you only had one beer
what were you thinking
how can you be this dumb?
is it because this is as close to combat
as you've personally come?
•-------------------------------------------
Oh his name is Elliot Spitzer
governor of old New York
one day he got that age-old hankerin'
needed to pop his cork
he loved the expensive bubbly
not the cheap domestic stuff
he must have been drunk with power
to pay two grand an hour
though who doesn't love champagne in the buff?

What was he thinking?
a call girl website?
how stupid for a man once considered
so honest, so bright
What was he thinking?
he ruined his life
now comes the hard part
facing his wife
•-------------------------------------------
Oh his name is John McCain
went looking for a running mate
he passed over the usual suspects
found a uniquely unqualified candidate
a candidate who didn't even have a passport
'til she got one last year
she attended five different colleges
and yet her lack of knowledge is
something we should question, no, fear

What was he thinking?
what in the world?
does he think women will vote for women
just because we're all girls?
what was he thinking?
here comes Joe the Plumber
Joe, meet Sarah
dumb meet dumber

updated: 9 years ago